important parts

I felt like trash today. There was nothing I felt like doing, no motivation to do anything at all, not even eating, not even watching netflix, not even laying down and closing my eyes. I used to be this little shy girl. I had a best friend, she was my one and only and we were not to be separated at any time. We basically decided everything together, which clothes to wear, what music to listen to, what people to hang out with. Looks were as important to me as nothing else. I wanted to impress the guy I was in love with, who was three years older than me had a beautiful girlfriend. I went all out lookwise, but was too shy to say much. I cared a lot though, cried myself to sleep every night creeping this love I thought I’d never get back, felt hopeless, felt worthless. I was this little shy girl, but was determined to change that, applied to leave for ten months and returned as a different person. Still too caring, still a little small on words, but not because I’m too shy anymore. I accept that - the fact that I’m just not that wiggly outgoing person everyone loves. But recently all of that changed. My head feels empty, time flies by and I don’t notice anything anymore. And I also don’t care. I feel like my body is numb. Many times I catch myself thinking about nothing at all. There’s just this gaping void everywhere. I can be surrounded by people and I’ll not listen to their conversation, I’ll just not interact at all. I simply feel like there is nothing I want to say, need to say. I’d be fine with me - just not that this also happens to me around people I love and that are meaningful to me. I’ll not find motivation to do things I always liked doing. People used to describe me as the one that’ll never be able to get bored because I’d always be inspired by things, play music, write short stories, paint a huge artwork, or redecorate my room, try recipes I found on pretty online blogs, read books. Something changed me, and I don’t like it. This is already going down since a few weeks. I told myself that it’s gonna stop but by now I just know it’s not going to. I’ll feel like trash tomorrow.