important parts

There was just a little moment of hesitation, a moment of sitting still, at the desk I stare at daily, I write to-do-lists on, about tasks I’ve never finished. I wrote plans on it, plans how I’d love to spend my life, and those plans are collected in a little folder that I’ve not opened ever since. How many pictures have been painted on here? Pictures that I hide between the pages of a large dictionary, pictures that might not ever be marvelled at by anyone. Stories, that happened to me or just happened in my head, have been typed on here, have been reread on here a thousand times, all hidden in files behind names that don’t tell what’s actually talked about. There have been letters written on this table, to people that mean a lot to me, pages and pages of simply thoughts and reports. How many once of schoolwork have been laying on here, until I cleared the stock once in a while. How many hours have I spent sitting in front of this desk. I can not tell. Hours of work, creativity, passion, depression, planning, thinking and just sitting. I’ve spend so much time just sitting here staring out of my window, not even looking at anything, being caught in my head. Sitting still happens sometimes. But how comes that this area, maybe one of the greatest areas of my life, turned into I spot where I just start hesitation recently. Not motivated to do anything, not even staring out the window. More and more I just sit here, unsure about what to do next, unsure about what I would even like to do at that very moment. And it hurts me inside. I don’t get how my life turned into a situation like this. It’s strange. I used to be the one to always find a way to entertain themselves, to do and not to not to, and now it’s like somebody cleared my head and my mind. And once I think about it, it’s also strange how much space and time such a simple desk can take away in my life.